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so i think it was a lot easier to for somethings but somethings i am finding that i can tolerate while being apart from eachother.� it honestly isnapos;t a big deal and iapos;m not going to make it one, cause in the end it will be different.�

things are hard really hard.�

my feelings have been so out of control and have just being mean or upset cause i can.� trying to pick a fight and know thats its going to come.� i think i figured out how to deal with my anger.� well at some parts at least.� if iapos;m trying to ask something and get information on a certain topic, and my question is all convolted....ask me what i mean.� if i donapos;t want to front up an answer than just drop the question, iapos;ll probably give you a better description that what i previously attempted saying.� cause i am probably going to want an answer, just keep saying you donapos;t understand what iapos;m saying...in hopes to find out what iapos;m really trying to ask.� than there are times when i want to fill in the void that iapos;m missing.� i know it isnapos;t the same, i understand that isnapos;t what i want either.� but with dealing with everything and the inability to control them, itapos;d help.� i just lately have been feeling so alone, and if there is someone who can give me the littlest amount of comfort iapos;d think itapos;d be worth trying, so i stop feeling so low.� but i guess have to get over that idea it would only cause problems.� i know your reasoning, and i wish you could know what i exactly go through.� this whole anti-support any idea family is fucking difficult.� they think its a bad idea, and that everything is set in stone.� all they want to know is whats the difference between there and here, or when iapos;m i leaving?� do i really have to explain more, its something i believe i can grow from� its also a great possibility to have a great relationship with someone as well, but i wonapos;t know till i try it.� it wasnapos;t all that pleasant to get all this information from my twin sister.� you think she would tell you exactly what was said or her opinions about the situation.� but she thinks iapos;m not mature or responsible enough to deal with it.� you know what even though i wasnapos;t completely thrilled about some of your decisions, i still supported you.�

what else has been bothering me?

fuck i donapos;t even know.� it would have been three years today.�

sometimes this idea of moving away and no idea about each and every outcome really scares me.� will i be completely fine with all the complete differences each place has?� will everything turn out to equal out what iapos;ll be missing?� its just difficult.� i donapos;t have any answers for anything iapos;m curious about.� and they will probably always end up being different from one day or another.�

no matter what i will wait for you.� sometimes i say things just out of my anger, and i hope you know iapos;m lying.� all i can really do is hope that my frustrations or attempts to push you away donapos;t turn into anything worse.� there is a huge list of things that i could do just out of me being angry that would really hurt you.� i donapos;t want to and it will kill both of us.� i can think about what would happen if there were an aftermath of negative actions.� i know you trust me, but arenapos;t there some ideas in the back of your mind ever?� you havenapos;t ever seen me at my lowest, and i would hate to do anything wrong.� iapos;ve seen you a couple of times of me making you upset, but this would be entirely different.

this all needs to turn around.� i canapos;t keep thinking this way, it will only drive us further apart.� one day iapos;ll just snap if this keeps up at this rate.� it isnapos;t like itapos;ll be anytime soon, but i know its completely probable of happening.� i need to be more positive cause iapos;m going to be crushed by everything around me.

�

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